


Memory Chaos

by MikanKitty



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Character Death, Childhood Trauma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Headcanon Accepted, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Memory Alteration, Multi, POV Alternating, POV First Person, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24816451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikanKitty/pseuds/MikanKitty
Summary: It's the start of the games, but things go a little off the script from the mastermind's plans.  Kaede never sets the trap, and the first trial never happened.  Leaving Monokuma restless.  But, he finds himself in the possession of a very odd serum.  Deciding to use it as a motive... and sense the mastermind had him on autopilot he was free to do so without telling her.So everyone would awaken to find that their memories were not there own.  They knew what had happened to them in the past.  But they no longer had the imagery memory to back it up.  Those memories were in somebody else's head and they had that person now.  Friends will grow closer, rivals will finally understand each other, and people will start to get why people tick the way they do.  But with everything this had bad... bad side effects for some.  Not only did Angie's oracle powers transfer with her memories, but so did Korekiyo's sister.Not only that but some people's memory contained things people would rather keep out of there heads. Some people have a better time adjusting than others. Tsumugi for once, just as clueless as everyone else.
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede/Saihara Shuichi, Amami Rantaro/Shinguji Korekiyo, Chabashira Tenko/Yumeno Himiko, Harukawa Maki/Momota Kaito, Iruma Miu/K1-B0, K1-B0/Oma Kokichi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 92





	1. Starting Of Head First: Shuichi

Shuichi POV

The minute I woke up I knew something was very... very wrong. I didn't feel like myself at all, and everything was off. It was very unsettling as I got up and started to realize something that made my heart drop.  
What were these memories..?  
These memories weren't mine..!  
And suddenly my thoughts raced everywhere and anywhere they could get. What was going on? These weren't mine this wasn't what it was supposed to be!

Those weren't my parents, my friends, I knew none of these people. Sure who's- whatever's memories these were had good memories. A warm family... lots of music? It seemed so many of the memories contained some form of music.

I let myself sink into it a bit, trifling and looking threw the memories. But nothing could overpower the intense sense of panic and fear of the unknown.  
What was even going on? I still couldn't tell. So I left my dorm and headed down to the dining hall. All the way there I was shaking my head and just trying to figure out what was going on... But I really couldn't figure this out right now.

When I got there though I was surprised to see nearly everyone else was there. Everyone except Kaito, and Angie.  
The looks on people's faces we're just as confused as mine which concerned me. I could feel my gut twisting with a bad feeling, and the air on the room felt heavy... like it was when a body discovery announcement plays or something bad or tremendous happened in the group.  
Monokuma clearly didn't have anything to say on this, as he hadn't shown his monotone face all morning. But I couldn't tell if that was a good or very bad sign.

Kaede was standing at the far end of the room, but when I walked in she came over quickly. Kaede was smiling but I could tell something was off about it... Just as it was for everyone else in the room. She fiddled with the strap of her backpack nervously and looked at me with concern.

"Hey... Shuichi have you noticed something off?" She asked me, her voice also gave way to confusion. Which was a little unlike Kaede to be this openly worried and not so optimistic. I nodded, knowing full well what she was talking about. Something like this had happened to her... And everyone else too.

"Yeah, I um have. Don't your memories seem off, like they're not yours at all?" Kaede's eyes showed recognition of that and she smiled a little. "I have, and it's so strange don't you think..? It seems like everyone else has noticed it too, and something odd happened..." she paused, apparently needing to think about that for a second. So I started fidgeting with my hands getting nervous about this whole thing. The gut feeling of this getting all the more prevalent as the tension in the room built.

"Himiko and Tenko... were talking, and they recognize each others. Himiko was talking about some "Master" or trainer at some sort of, dojo? and described them and Tenko immediately recognized...". She paused, letting that sink in. My eyes drifted to the pair at a table who were talking to each other. The two were already close, well it was a bit one-sided, but now that sat close to each other and talked in whispers. Each seeming to have a troubled yet understanding look.

"Are you saying... their memories, s-swapped?" The very suggestion made my stomach churn and a morbid curiosity fill my mind. If this was true... then who had he swapped with..? Then again, how many people here liked music this much. The only person he could think of was Kaede she was the ultimate pianist after all. Suddenly it clicked in my eyes, and it took a few seconds for it to click in hers.

"Did... are these your memories..?"  
I could only nod, at least I assumed they were unless someone here had a hidden passion for classical music.  
"I... think so?" Kaede smiled. I did a little as well and glanced around the room again. Silently I wondered who switched with who, and I had no idea the full extent of trouble this was going to cause.

By now Angie has walked into the room as well, and now everyone but Kaito was here. The room buzzed heavily with activity but it seemed heavy and troubled still.  
"Well, I think we should all get together and figure out who switched with who. That will make this all so much easier"  
"Like in a big circle?"  
"Yeah... like in a big circle"

So, we went with Kaede's idea and all sat in a circle on the floor. Some people look more inclined to share than others. Kokichi was oddly silent for himself, and Gonta also seemed oddly quiet. Maki, out of everyone was probably the weirdest though, for she was holding the collar of her shirt over her mouth and if anyone even looked like they would ask she death glared them. She fidgeted and she seemed more silent than usual, something was definitely up with her but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

Kaede was the first to initiate conversation, but I couldn't help but worry about that one missing person. Kaito. But, he was probably just asleep.  
"So... who wants to start?" The room went dead silent. The tension was reaching the peak to the point it was near unbearable and I started to fidget with my hat. Finally, after almost a straight minute of awful silence, Maki spoke up. Her voice's usual serious tone, but intensified and almost a bit shaky.

"I... think something more then memories has happened". Was all she said, and all eyes trained on her immediately. She sighed, and everyone looked a bit worried. Before Maki could continue Angie butted in though.  
"Yeah! She's right I can't talk to Kamisama anymore! I cant hear his voice anymore!" She pouted a little at this but I could feel that under all the excitable energy she was deeply... deeply concerned about that.

As this happened I could see out of the corner of my eyes Kaito slip in, who seemed almost shaky and oddly quite. Slipping into the last available gap in the circle in between Kokichi to his discomfort and Maki. He just listened, not saying anything but apparently knowing what this conversation was about..? Perhaps he had been hovering by the door. But why?

"What do you mean? That's impossible"  
Tenko was speaking now, and Angie shrugged looking away. Maki cleared her throat in an attention-grabbing way and we all looked back to her now. She still had the collar of her shirt over her mouth never letting it down so we couldn't tell if she was smiling or frowning or her usual poker face or what.

"There's... something wrong. Something really wrong going on". She said quietly, with hints of something deeper when she said that. Miu scoffed from across the circle and rolled her eyes.  
"No shit you fucking virgin! Of course, somethings wrong! Take a look in that head of yours!". That earned her a heavy glare from Kaito but he didn't say anything. Once again unlike him. Then again no one was acting like themselves today so I didn't put to much strain on it.

Maki sighed, and then very slowly... let the collar of her shirt down. All of a sudden she was spacing out like she was dissociating. Her hands dropping into her lap and she lost focus and trailed off from what she was saying. Then, she blinked a few times and her eyes came back to focus, surveying the group to everyone's intense confusion. She smiled and most certainly did not seem herself, everything from the way she held herself to just the air around her. She turned to Korekiyo who had also been very quiet and said one simple line that made Korekiyo freeze completely and left everyone in intense confusion.  
"It's been a while since I've talked to you like this... brother".

With that simple line, the intense tension in the group exploded. The pin-drop silence except for the person speaking crashed into a million glass shards as everyone starts butting in and talking at once. Some people panicked, some people just were intrigued others in mass concern and all that Maki... who I assumed wasn't Maki anymore, could do was smile.

I myself was just... In shock. Who was this..? This certainly wasn't our Maki. She seemed so different all the sudden and clearly recognized Korekiyo.

Who, looked petrified by what was happening. Clearly whatever this was Korekiyo recognized as he gulped and started taking his mask off. He winced instinctively and tensed like he was waiting for something that didn't come. Without his mask, he looked a lot more feminine with red lipstick on his lips matched with his already long hair.

Maki looked at Korkiyo and Korkiyo only. I tried to keep my breathing calm and listen to what was going on in the commotion. Bits and pieces of conversation flowed in and out of my hearing but I tried to filter.  
"What the heck is going on with Maki?!"  
"Sister?"  
"Who is that?"  
"You thought I had left?"  
"I bet Atua could help! If I could still reach him.."  
"I bet it's one of you degenerate male's faults!"  
"How are you even in Maki?!"  
"Maki-chan?"  
"I woke up this way brother"  
"Gonta no like this!"  
"CAN EVERYONE SHUT UP"

I jumped in the air, and just like that, the room went quiet again. We all looked to where the noise came from, and to everyone's shock. There was Kaito looking like he was about to pull his hair about from all the noise. What was going on with him..? He was acting so out of character today. More than most of us already were.

"Just... just shut the hell up! Please...".  
Everyone went so ghost-silent if you sneezed from across the school you could hear it from here. Korekiyo quickly handed his mask to "Maki" and whoever it was put it on. Spacing out again before the real Maki returned.

Everyone was still trained on Kaito who actually stumbled back a bit. He looked so... overwhelmed. It shocked me to see him like that as he always kept his composure in most situations. Kaede was the first to speak up, seeming a bit worried and Kaito seemed oddly nervous

"Kaito..? Are you alright?" She asked, taking a step to him in which he took a step back to match Kaede's. Clearly not wanting to be near.  
"I'm fine Kaede, just... Too much yelling, that's all. It freaked me out that's all". This just pushed Kaede forward in an attempt to help.

"Are you sure? Is it because of the memory stuff or..?"To this Kaito nodded and sighed. He smiled at her a little bit it was a shaky smile clearly still unhinged from all the yelling. This was scaring me a little now. Who's memory had he even gotten? By now most people in the circle we're watching Kaito and Kaede closely and watching this all unfold.

"Yeah... Yeah, it's the memory stuff. Whoever the hell I got these from... Yelling triggered them really hard and I had to get it to stop...". Kaito admitted, and I was looking around the group cautiously wondering who this person was. Kaede seemed understanding, as she always did. That's what I liked about her so much she seemed to have eternal optimism.

"Well then, we should keep figuring out who has this, shouldn't we... Also, Kork would you care to explain the whole "Sister brother" thing..?" This makes Korekiyo sigh heavily and looks over to Maki. Who was now wearing his mask and seemed closer to him now for reasons only the two would most likely understand. Maki talked before Korekiyo could and she sounded... Absolutely dead-serious.

"Me and Korekiyo switched more than memories.... he had a sister who died...". She trailed off for a second, her hand going to the mask and fingering the zipper like she was pondering whether to let out... whatever this thing was again.  
"She possesses him... and they basically shared a body, and now I'm stuck with the bastard". She finished, putting her hand back down to her side, Korekiyo nodded in agreement.

Everyone was now staring between the two in disbelief. The pin-drop silence washed over are group once again and Maki fidgeted with the zipper again. Finally, Miu spoke up but it didn't exactly help.  
"Your fucking joking right?"

But by the look on her face... she was dead-serious. Or at least half of her was dead now.


	2. Connecting Dots: Maki

This was going to take a very long time to get used to.  
A very... very long time.

It was something I had never imagined being possible, and from the moment so similar to everyone else I knew something was gravely wrong the moment I woke up. I could just feel it, not only were my memories completely out of wack but I would feel it in my bones. An unwanted, uninvited feeling of being watched. I had checked and double-checked every possible spot of my dorm but I couldn't shake the awful feeling.

That was before I realized I was looking in all the wrong places, that it was inside of me... That's when the voices started. Well, to be specific one female voice to be specific. She called herself Shinguji, with a little bit of prying I got her to reveal her first name to be Miyadera.

At first, she seemed friendly enough... then she wasn't. It was a sort of back and forth I did not enjoy of her being kind and aggressive and straight-up mean then back to kind and sweet. I was absolutely convinced I was going crazy, but she was trying to convince me I wasn't. That she was real.

At first, I didn't believe her, and that's when I noticed subconsciously I had been covering my mouth with my shirt. She told me to do one thing I didn't think much of.  
"Maki, lift down your shirt for me, That will prove I'm real".  
And me still not believing her I did just that... and everything changed.

Everything suddenly zoned out and my hands quickly dropped to my sides, it was like everything was numbed, fuzzy, not really there. It was like the world around me wasn't real, or at least it was miles away. It would have freaked me out if I hadn't been half-aware, it was as if I had suddenly been bumped... Well more like shoved into the passenger seat of myself.

Then, her presence got stronger and suddenly my arm lurched forward. Something that got threw to me little more but I was still intensely stuck in the haze of my own mind. I couldn't talk... I couldn't move. I could still think, but it was hard and felt like it was in a heavy fog. So I tried my best to talk in my thoughts, as she had. But clearly, she was so much better at staying aware when in the backseat then I was, she must have years more experience in that because she had been so clear and aware and I was barely able to get a few sentences out.

"What's..... what's going on..?!"  
I could feel myself stand, but I hadn't done that had I..? What was even more disturbing was that she started talking with my mouth... with my voice.

"This is why I'm real Maki Harukawa... friend"  
"I'm not your.... your friend... now what the heck.... are you doing..?!"  
There was a clear sigh from my body, or ARE body now I guess. I could feel myself shiver a little at the thought... so I did have some control still! It relieved me a tiny bit to know she wasn't in full control of me at any given time.

"Well friend, I'm possessing you of course"  
She continued to call me friend to my discomfort, but she didn't seem to care. I was in shock, but she lifted the collar of our shirt back and I was shoved back into the driver's seat. It was so sudden and disorienting at first I stumbled forward and was forced to catch myself in the wall, an intense nausea washing over me.

Now shaking as much as I hated the fact I was shaking, I held the collar over my mouth for dear life. By far the weirdest thing to ever happen to me... I hated every second of that. I continued to talk to her, in my head this time as I walked down the hallway to the dining hall, needing to figure this out maybe even tell Kaito.  
"You what?! Do you want to die..."  
This just made... whatever this was chuckle.  
"I'm already dead friend... long dead"

I was shocked to find everyone else was messed up in some way as well, and the circle conversation was halfway a blur from allowing Miyadera taking over halfway threw to tell them, and talk to her brother.

Wearing Korkiyo's mask would also take some getting used to, but all this was going to. I looked around the crowd as everyone stared at me now after the full explanation. Some people seemed shocked and surprised, others scared, though some like Himiko and Tenko, or Shuichi and Kaede were coping pretty well.

Kaede continued to lead the conversation forward, and I'll give her credit because she was trying... Maybe a little too hard.

"So, Maki and Korkiyo clearly switches, I switched with Shuichi, and Himiko and Tenko switched"  
She smiled, trying to be enthusiastic but looking more strained and worrisome.  
"Now, I think the best way to figure out who switched with who, since I'm fairly sure we all switched, is to share any abilities we gained or lost then move to memories". Angie wasted no time... once again mentioning her lack of oracle powers.

"Me! I can't hear Kamisama anymore and I need to hear him!"  
"We know you can't hear Kamisama but it doesn't look like anyone else can!". That, was Miu. Though, it looked like Angie wasn't done quite yet. "Well! Not only can I not hear the divine god Atua! But, whoever's memory it clearly has missing parts in it... and others are fuzzy...".

To this, we all looked to Rantaro. Since it was common knowledge that he had amnesia. But he just shook his head, smiling a little as he spoke but in an almost creepy way. Which wasn't exactly unusual for him, but still off-putting. Miyadera seemed to like it though because she mumbled something to herself I couldn't make out.

"No... no, I don't have any memories of an island, I have memories of a really... really strict family actually, and I know you grew up on an island. Besides, if I could hear a god don't you think I would have said so?"

Angie pouted and seemed slightly frustrated. Kaede took lead again and decided to try again with pinpointing.  
"Alright, who here originally had a strict family?". There was a very big silence, I didn't have a family, to begin with... and I had already found my switch so I knew it wasn't me. Finally, one person raised her hand in a very poised way. Kiruimi.

"I, do believe my household was quite strict. Did you, if I may ask... have a lot of sisters?"  
To this Rantaro nodded with Kaede smiling victoriously in the background. I, couldn't help but smile a little that we were making progress. Though worry was still knawing at me from the inside.

"Well, there we go! You two must have switched, but that still doesn't explain Angie's powers or missing memory... anyone want to take a guess?". Once again, silence in the circle. But, Tsumugi did speak up after a few moments.

"Well, I mean... I haven't been hearing the voice of "god" or anything crazy... but I have this, off feeling. I can't explain it... and besides I have memories of the island, at least I think..."  
Kaede clapped her hands in excitement, and Angie's attention peaked.

The whole group seemed to follow the conversation as it jumped from one to another around and around the circle. Including myself admittedly was also listening closely.

"Aha! That must be Atua's presence! Though I do wonder why your memory is so spotty..."  
Tsumugi shrugged and diverted the topic quickly. "Not sure, but it's probably an error... let's just add us to the list of switches and continue shall we?"

Kaede nodded, eager to continue.

"Alright then did anyone else have some big secret they where hiding? please?". But of course, no one said anything and the familiar feeling of silence slid over the group. My eyes drifted to Kaito, he had been so quiet but I couldn't exactly tell why. He seemed off similarly to everyone else but he wasn't holding that usual feeling. The over-optimistic, extroverted, headstrong appeal he always seemed to have on and around him like perfume. Instead, he seemed sunken almost, sulky. So I decided to ask, not to be mean but force him into the conversation a bit. He hadn't said a word sense he came in.

"Kaito, what about you".


	3. Murky Memories: Maki

when I had woken up it had been quite... sudden.

Gasping awake with shaky breaths and hands.

ohgodohgodohgodohgod

nonononononononono.

Every part of me was panicking in an instant it was nauseating and horrible and I was shivering and I couldn't stop. What was going on..?! these weren't my memories, they weren't my memories I could tell that much. My stomach dropping when I just thought about it. I stumbled into the bathroom to look into the mirror, sweat lining my face. Which looked back at me with a sickly complexion. Everything felt as if it was tipping to the side I almost felt dizzy. My head ducked down in reflex as I started coughing and gagging and my knees buckling a little. trying to get a grip on myself, fingers curled around the porcelain sink. 

The memories... if you could call it that. Memories swimming and drowning and suffocating me. Tears beginning to lining my eyes that made me squeeze my eyes shut. It felt like my skin was burning.. like I wanted to scrub it all off and the horrible feelings with it, causing the shaking to get worse and my knuckles going white in the yellow light of the overhead. 

Damn it! damn it! damn it what is this! WHAT IS THIS.

With one arm wrapped around my chest and the other supporting me on the sink so I didn't fall I slowly pried my eyes open. Looking back at my reflection with glossed over eyes and trembling figure. My first thought being maybe Maki might know what's going on... but I shot the idea down. If she didn't it would sound too weird, I might even sound insane. But I really should calm down before I get any worse... and figure out the explanation to these... memories. Horrible memories. 

A hot shower, I'll just take a shower that always calms nerves right? So I started the water and got undressed. Turning to the facet to the right as far as I could get it, steam coming off the water. I tried to use the sound of the water hitting the tiles in the fast frequent pitter-patter to drown out my mind

stepping under the water I started to adjust to the feeling of it as it started to burn on my skin. Rolling down my back and the nape of my neck and running threw my scalp. I started feeling threw my hair, which was pretty long without all that gel keeping it up, and down to my shoulders roughly. Pushing the water hotter, my skin already felt like it was crawling, and I wanted to get rid of that feeling so bad. So I started to scrub with soap and try to forget and scrubbing my skin raw. 

But as this happened with showers came shower thoughts and maybe this wasn't the best idea.

How had this happened... it felt so real. So terrifyingly and disgustingly real. I could almost feel the bloody knife in my hand, bloody clothes, sirens, and red and blue lights in the dead of night. The years after in that horrible self-classified clinical place where horrible... horrible things happened. 

I was shaking again just thinking about it.

more scrubbing.

I tried to let the feeling of the burning water and the sounds of water in my ears and the scratch of wet hair against my neck drown it out, but that wasn't working. I couldn't take it anymore so I got out and dried off and got dressed, gelling my hair to hell and back. 

Just... don't think about it, ignore it... just ignore it. Please Kaito.

On my way down I had noticed though how I could hear what they were saying once I neared the cafeteria and I stopped to listen. People were switching memories..? What..? could that possibly be what had happened? because then that would have to mean... these memories belonged to someone here. One of my friends. That idea scared me more than anything. I cared about them and for one of them... to go threw something like this. It was frightening. 

eventually, I came in and listened to them go back and forth. What happened to Maki frightened me a little bit as well. I cared about her quite a lot and being as terrified of ghosts as I was. That was not a pleasant combination. 

It wasn't until Maki decided to question me, that I really got nervous. I didn't want to talk about it. Unsure if I even wanted to know who's these were.

"So, what about you Kaito"

I smiled a nervous kind of smile even if I was really trying to make it steady and unsuspecting. I felt like everyone's eyes were on me. Like they were looking right threw me and peaking into my thoughts. It caused me to pull my jacket farther up my shoulder as if it could make the feeling evaporate. 

"Well, hey! why don't we let someone else go? I don't want to hog the spotlight!"

"Since when?" Kokichi chirped up in the background. Though his voice also seemed slightly off. Slightly disheveled as if he too had something going on with his memories that disturbed him. Maki glared at him and then back to me, though her piercing gaze softened slightly again. 

"Kaito that's the first thing you've said since you got here, you realize that right?".

I forced down a gulp and nodded slightly. But quickly switched my attention to someone who hadn't had there memories sorted yet. anyone. My eyes fell on Gonta first so I went to him. Silently hoping nothing all that bad happened to him. I would hate for something bad to happen, he could be intimidating when he wanted but he was so... Naive it was almost charming. 

"hey, Gonta why don't you go next?". 

Gonta, of course, didn't pick up on the fact he was being used as a way to shift focus. 

"oh! Gonta's unsure as who he switched with... Gonta doesn't like his new memories all that much". He smiled a bit though. "Gonta would much prefer his memories with the wolfs and bugs and animals from the forest".

And Kaede, thank god, took the bait. Smiling and leaning into the circle. Which varied greatly in concern. More people than others.

The thick silence and stiffness and troubled feeling had died down a bit since this started. People were relaxing and less on edge. Though of course some people still had a troubled look or an air of concern or brooding. Most notably Maki, Kokichi, Angie, Kiibo, and me. 

"Well, Gonta I'm sure we'll find a way to fix all this!".

There was her immortal enthusiasm, and usually, there would be my supportive 'yeah!' but that yeah didn't come. 

"Gonta hopes so".

Kaede's eyes shifted around the circle, and mine follow in suite. Gonta had mentioned he didn't like the new memories... That could just be him liking the forest, but it could also mean something else.

"Well, his memories are very... unique! So it shouldn't be too hard to find who it is, right?".

And as if it was some sort of irony, the smallest person in the group responded to them. Ryoma.  
"It could be me. There's a lot more... green now. Though I would have to apologize if he had mine,"

We all knew why that was. Most of the eyes drifted back to Gonta.

Gonta's eyes flickered with the realization and he looked to Ryoma and smiled a little. I could almost watch the self-loathing fill Ryoma's eyes as he looked at Gonta once it was confirmed. "I...I see".

"Gonta hopes you enjoy the birds and wolves and animals!". Gonta smiled, though still seemed troubled. Ryoma didn't smile back. I could see the sympathy on Kaede's face. But she nodded and kept up her optimistic act. "Well, that clears that up... are you guys alright?"

"Gonta is great! though he still misses forest, Kaede will fix it! Gonta is sure". He looked to Kaede, and she smiled.

I started to sweat as I knew it would get harder and harder to come up with reasons not to go up. Maki's eyes were on me again as she watched me but before she could talk I interjected.

"I didn't switch with anyone".

A lie

A lie that slipped threw my lips before I knew what I was saying. It fell so... filthy. So dirty so wrong. I hated lying, but it was an act of self-preservation. An instinct, an impulse. Maki's eyes went wide as she stared at me... it was far to easy to tell she didn't believe me. Rubbing my neck, I went on to explain. Elaborating and investing in the lie and I knew I was just digging myself deeper into my own grave.

"I didn't switch," I repeated "I woke up with my own memories... plain and simple. Maybe whatever happened doesn't affect me". This time, it was Kokichi who spoke up. King of lies himself... of course he would be the one to call me out. 

"oh cut the bullshit Momota... you really think I'll let lying slide from someone like *you?*".

his tone caught me slightly off guard, it was less snarky then normal, less backhanded, and more annoyed. As if it was a nuisance if anything at all. His big eyes staring me down as I felt other eyes shift onto me. 

"Nyeh... did you really lie Kaito-Kun..?'" Himiko spoke up in her soft, childish voice. I froze, dear in the headlights froze. Trying to wheel around and counter Kokichi.

"No! of course, I didn't, if you care so much why did *you* switch with?"

It was as if we played a game of deflecting the spotlight. Avoiding talking about my switch. I could play this game all day but simultaneously couldn't take another second of it. Kokichi's eyes largened for a moment and he suddenly went very quiet. My arms snaked around to my jacket again and snaked it farther along my arms. I would use it to shield myself as long as I needed it to. Maki's eyes looked me up and down again. 

"....Well, how am I supposed to know, besides, you're a real hypocrite". I swallowed hard, I knew he was right. But I couldn't help it. Living with some grandparents after their mother died.." the last part came out even softer. But my eyes could only widen in horror.

Are you kidding me..?

the room felt as it was spinning a bit again. I went a bit pale, reaching over and gripping Maki's arm. She jumped and pulled away, but then settled and let me. Kokichi... had to be joking. He simply had to be. There was no way...

"Kaito, your nails are digging into my arms," I let go quickly. "Oh! sorry there... I um, doesn't ring a bell". more lies that poured out of my lips like acid that corroded down on me and burned my tongue and teeth. Lies that burrowed into my skin like splinters and went down into my veins.

"your nails said otherwise" Maki dead-panned, looking in between us.

"Ha! so the gremlin and the airhead switched! that just priceless!". Miu snorted in laughter in the background. Kokichi looked her over for a second "Shut up will you, you whore. This has nothing to do with you" Miu's face lit up in blush on cue "wh-wh-whore..?!" Kokichi gave a heavy sigh and looked at me. 

My head still felt as If it spun. Kokichi looked me over carefully, any sort of snarky smile that played on his lips had been gone. I wanted to grip Maki again but decided against it. How... how did Kokichi- why- what..?! This was Kokichi, Kokichi's memories... it was hard to believe.

Shuichi finally spoke up again now.

"well that's ironic"


	4. Rivaling Oddites: Kokichi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it has been so long and this is a tad short. Writer's block hit me hard this week. I promise I'm going to try and get on a once a week post schedule

When I woke up the shock was almost enough to make me sick myself. I could tell something was different. Racking my brain as I shoved the covers off and stood with an amount of urgency I hadn't had in a while. My memories had been... replaced? I wasn't complaining. Not at all.

But it left me with a certain amount of unease that made my facade shaky and crumbly. Still, I forced myself to tie my bandana around my neck and make futile attempts to loosen that damned straight jacket off my back. But it did nothing like always, my arms simply to short to get to the back.

Even without those memories, I was doomed to hold chilling reminders, wasn't I?

It was almost a bit chilling, a blessing, but chilling. To have my memories replaced with something warmer... for the majority, happier.   
The scars remained, it was as if someone had placed a cotton patch over my mind, and just pretended that when you couldn't see it... it was gone. But it wasn't, I just couldn't see it.   
Forcing myself out of my cluttered room, the halls I found where quieter than usual, and I didn't really see anyone in the hallways. Still, the sudden jolt made my facade waver so the usual snark and bounce were gone. 

Arriving at the dining hall where everyone else was, I was surprised to see the general confusion in the air. Hovering like a mist, when the plans changed I slipped into a spot without a word. It would sure be interesting to see how this played out... The cogs and gears churning in my mind to figure this whole thing out, my fingers twitching and shaking as they tangled in my hairs ends.

The conversation almost blurred by the confusion and tenseness. I still felt frazzled as I tried to follow what everyone else was saying. But soon enough the realization of Kaito and I's situation was crashing upon the two of us. 

Out. Of. All. The. People.

I almost felt a tad bad but I shook my head. Traces of a snide like smile nowhere to be found. 

"Irony... that's one way to put this". 

Everyone was staring, seeing glares rolling down my back and burning into me. Kaito simply stared at me, it only made it worse. Kaede tried to break the tension, she could have cut it with a butter knife. Her voice smooth like butter as she tried to calm this in the group currently 

"Hey, what was in there anyway?" She simply only made the tension worse. Us staring at each other with a sympathy that bordered begrudging. I was quick to shut Kaede up about that. I was going to take this to the grave if I had to; all my hard work of lies and illusions could not be ruined so soon. The fibs and my charade of false truths could not be ruined, I wouldn't let it yet. Without it I was just as vulnerable as I used to be... powerless and weak and exposed. I refused to let that happen. 

"Nothing of note. Although a supreme leader does have a lot of secrets to keep, or does he?". My voice came out clipped as a second of shock registered on Kaito's face. My eyes looked away and to the floor, my arms and hands still trembling. It was very clear I was on edge and Kaito no doubtingly was. A ping of sympathy going threw me for his sake. Kaito... lied again. But I didn't call him out in self interest. 

"He's not lying. It really isn't much at all," Maki didn't look like she bought it and clearly Kaede and Shuichi didn't either. Shuichi speaking up now as he looked between us. 

"I want to say that you wouldn't lie Kaito... but, you don't seem ok," 

"Can't we just move on?' I tried to force my sneering tone but my voice only shook and I cursed myself. Why was this so difficult! I should be better now, its gone, her awful deeds and my awful deeds were gone. What she did to me... what my parents did to me, what I did to my parents. It was gone so why was this so hard?! it should be getting easier! right..?

"Kokichi!" 

I snapped back to focus, Shuichi was yelling my name and I blinked for a second.

"hm? what is it Shumai..?". Smirks and glimmers in my eyes evaporated almost completely at this point. Shuichi made a small noise of surprise from the nickname but shook his head in frustration. His eyes like always not holding mine for very long, however. 

"you weren't responding," I forced a giggle "oh? I wasn't? sorry, mister detective" without my usual tone it was far less charming and frankly... sad. Kaede, Shuichi, Kaito, and Maki had all stood at this point, standing near me. I was the only one sitting in my area of the circle so I quickly got to my feet. 

"Ok you two, clearly something happened. I don't want to be pushy but you all should really figure this out later..."

With a single nod, I forced myself to sit down again, and the rest of the frazzled group followed suit. As Kaede began to introduce the last few people, I gazed at Kaito for a second. He may have been a bit of an idiot but... I would have to at least acknowledge this later after I pulled myself back together. 

"Now... I think that just leaves Kiibo and Miu, which would mean that-" before she could even finish Miu was on Kiibo already. "Aha! I could already tell! this is just- the world really is looking out for the number one!" She bosted, chest puffed out, and a loud bragging tone. Kiibo chuckled awkwardly, and if only to keep my masquerade in place then to make fun of him, I made a small comment.

"Huh, didn't know robots had the compacity for memories of there own" guilt immediately pricked but I shoved it down "I'll have you know that my creator gave me a sophisticated memory bank!" Kiibo called back. 

Miu nodded in an enthusiastic way, reaching out and placing her hand on Kiibo's arm as she began to trail her finger up his arm slowly. With a smirk, she murmured "I bet you have lots of fun memories now don't you?" Kiibo only blinked in innocent confusion, staring at her hand. "what are you talking about," his voice was purely curious "oh just... some exciting hobbies! oh screw it I mean bangin' people up!".

I couldn't help but laugh, covering my mouth for a moment. Kiibo's cheeks lit up instantly in rosey red as he realized what she meant. Her arm linked around his shoulders and thankfully Kaede had enough sense to break this up. 

"Miu! ok lets just... now that's all sorted so why don't we all break?". I nodded before anyone could object. Springing to my feet and speed walking into the hall without as much as a goodbye. My small feet hitting the ground with faint thuds and my hands gripping in my hair. I could hear a pair of much heavier steps no doubtingly Kaito's. 

"Hey!"

No response

"HEY!". I spun around to look up at him. The much taller man had always been intimidating, but he was never allowed to know that. I mustered a smirk.

"Oh? sorry, must have slipped m-my ears" ...did I just stutter? why the heck did I stutter! nonono now is not the time. "Come on Kokichi, what the hell is going on? you're memories-"

"I can't even remember half of it"

"- are fragmented and... disturbing frankly" I sighed. Continuing to walk and without having t look I could see him following. The sound of his tall footsteps and the smell of axe spray following him. I could see him shudder a little bit. "I know they used to be mine space head". 

"you-! listen... I can't tell all of this... but from what I'm putting together. Kokichi you're a murderer"

I froze completely. A shiver running down my spine and I could feel the bile rising in my throat. I didn't have the memories, but I know what I did... looking at my shaking hands, and in as bitter of a tone as I could muster I told him. 

"You and me both know my parents got what they deserved"


	5. Angie: Unheard Prayers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: says I'll start uploading weekly  
> Also me: doesn't post for over two weeks directly after
> 
> Writer's block was awful :/
> 
> Also note I updated the tags to accommodate this chapter and the possibly triggering things inside, so if you haven't please read them again.

Angie POV

After the meeting, I scurried to my dorm, alone. I needed to be alone. If I prayed enough Kamisama would hear me eventually, right? He wouldn't simply... abandon me, right?

My hands were shaking, and I clasped them together to make them stop... this was all a big misunderstanding, perhaps he was displeased I had not done anything to stop the killing game, maybe I hadn't been happy enough lately. This had to be a misunderstanding I was sure of it.

Shutting the door behind me quietly I slipped my shoes off and set them by the door. A soft yet forced smile playing on my lips. The room looked like most of the others, but a bit cluttered with small ritual like objects and religious symbols. On my desk was a small altar with bowls and candles for offerings.

I kneeled in front of the desk as my mind churned and my eyes glazed over with desperation. Fishing a lighter from my pocket I lit the candles in their holders and pressed my now sweaty palms together "Dearest Kamisama... please, what did I do wrong? I'll fix it, I swear"

But all that came back was silence... I waited, and I kneeled there as I listened for even the smallest whisper. Why wouldn't he send me a sign? there wasn't even the smallest flicker of a candle, a single whisper or movement of the air, just gut-wrenching silence. The air in the room felt suffocatingly still and void of movement, just wax dripping down the candle as time moved slowly.

"Please..."

My voice echoed with desperation. He knew just how much I needed him, how much he was apart of me. Without him there was a sickening emptiness in my chest, my hands trembling and my eyes watering.

Without Kamisama I was nothing... I was useless... I was worthless... I was nothing if I wasn't his vessel. My art was worth nothing if he couldn't guide me, there was no point in speaking if he couldn't speak through me when he needed.

My art wasn't my own... my life wasn't even my own.

"Kamisama!"

My voice began to crack, syrupy with tears, and a lump in my throat. I sniffled, I wasn't allowing myself to cry... a guide of Kamisama should always be happy after all. But even if I tried tears dribbled from my eyes and down my cheeks. My hands clasped and knuckle white, my head bent as I began to fold into myself... I bet I looked pathetic, Kamisama would not be pleased if he could even see me.

"Kamisama! Please! I'll do anything! Anything at all, say it and I'll do it! I swear!"

But all that echoed back were my own sniffles and the start of sobs. Sobs that racked my body and my chest ached. I could taste the salty tears as I squeezed my burning eyes shut. My chest caved in, my heart collapsing. The feeling of spiraling despair enveloping my brain.

"Kamisama! KAMISAMA! damn it! come on come on... AGH!"

My throat hurt, screaming as I threw my hand down onto the ground. My entire body trembling and racking in tears. Why...

Why had he abandoned me? was I really that insufferable? My faith had never wavered never wandered, not once. I stayed happy, put on that smiling glowing persona to appear carefree because Atua's light shined on me. I did everything he asked, every offering every sacrifice. The scars on my arms proved just that.

So why had he abandoned me?

I devoted my life to him... without him, I was truly nothing.

Was it the swapping? was I unholy now? dirtied?

Maybe... a sacrifice was in order. A blood sacrifice. I hadn't done one since we arrived a week ago. If I could just offer up some of my blood, perhaps I could cleanse my soul... I was on my feet in moments as I made my way to the bathroom door; my legs shaking under my weight and my tears running dry. I wiped my eyes and sniffled as I rummaged through the cabinet in search of a razor. My eyes puffy and red in the mirror, I felt disgusting... I hadn't cried in years.

Hope fluttered with the idea of a blood sacrifice making Atua happy enough to return.

Still, my hands shook as I brought the box of razors down from the cabinet and opened it up. The small pink razors glared up at me from inside the box. they told me how pathetic I was to make Kamisama displeased, how much of a failure I was tooKamisama, and to my island. Unaware it hadn't been Kamisama's choice at all.

Without thinking I pulled one out of the box and worked a razor out with my fingers and my lighter. Silently I stared at the blade in my hands, my lips holding no more soft smiles. Once I walked back to the altar I slipped my bright yellow jacket off and onto the ground and pushed my hair away from my shoulders and upper arms. They were covered in old... and not so old scars from past knives and razors for past sacrifices and offerings.

"K-Kamisama... if you m-m-may hear me. I b-beg that you accept my sacrifice... and t-tell me what to do n-next," My voice thick and syrupy from tears as I said one more prayer. Pretty soon neon blood fell down my arms and I caught what I could in the offering bowl, my hands shaking and muscles tensed. Searing pain stung and shot threw my upper arms and shoulders. Soft whimpers shaking my voice in pain.

But... nothing changed. Nothing changed at all. There were no flickering flames no whispers or, voices, no breeze, no tingling on my skin... nothing. I could feel despair engulfing me again. My arms splitting with pain, and I just stared at them.

But the situation went from bad to worse as I heard my door slide open behind me.

"I-I... Angie..?"

Himiko's soft voice came from the doorway, and I turned to her, placing the half-filled bowl of blood on the blood-splattered alter. I forced a smile onto my face as Himiko stared at me and my bloody arms and the alter and my puffy eyes.

"Himiko y-you shouldn't-"

Before I could finish my sentence Himiko was in front of me and her gentle eyes went wide In shock. Her small and fragile hands shaking as she wrapped them around me and pulled me to her. Body going ridgid I looked down at her, words caught in my throat as she squeezed me.

"Angie-chan... what did you do?" Wide-eyed she looked at my arms, my own voice caught in my throat.

"Kamisama...." Himiko only tilted her head, her lips opening and closing like a goldfish. "I-I thought... if I gave Kamisama a s-sacrifice, he- he would return!"

I forced cheerfulness into my voice. It was like I was shoving happiness down my own throat. It came out so forced and fake Himiko didn't by it for a moment.

"Angie-chan, you didn't have to-"

"But I did!" my voice cracked as tears began to well in my eyes again. I blinked to try and banish them, why was I crying? I shouldn't be crying at all I needed to appear happy, I had everything I could ever desire on my Island. Fame, fortune, loving people willing to do whatever I desired, any lover I wanted at my fingertips of the lower ranks. So why was I so sad?

Himiko reached her delicate hand to wipe the tears I hadn't notice start to fall. I completely shattered right there, my glass heart cracked and it cracked and now it was on the floor for Himiko to see.

My knees folded and I fell forward into Himiko's arms, she struggled to catch me. My world felt as if it was shattering around me, spiraling into nothingness as I plummeted. Himiko being a few inches shorter and a few pounds lighter then me kept her arms around me as she struggled to help me to the ground so I didn't completely fall.

"Angie-!"

My cheeks ran with hot tears as I gripped onto the back of Himiko's jacket, my arms wrapped around her. We sat on the floor now, and I felt a bit faint, most likely from blood loss. Himiko bit her lip for a moment, her eyes glassy as she awkwardly patted my head for a second. I chuckled weakly as she slowly left my arms and stumbled to the bathroom. "Wait..!" the words left my throat before I could stop myself.

"Nyeh... I'm just getting a towel" she stepped into the bathroom, and it felt like hours before she emerged. sitting next to me and looking at me with glimmers of worry in her eyes. My own still dark and my hands still trembling... Atua was gone, what was the point?

Himiko's quivering hands took my arm and started to wrap one of the towels she brought around it. I watched, my lips no longer smiling, my voice congested and thick still with tears.

"Himiko..."

She looked up at me for a moment, sniffling lightly as she tied the other towel around my other arm.

"Nyeh?"

"Thank you..."


	6. Kaito: Flash To The Bloody Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyy guess who's back! Sorry this took ridiculously long and is on the shorter side. Writers block is a meanie :/

Kokichi stood there, a mutual understanding and disdain for each other in our eyes.   
These horrid memories swirling in my mind and twisting like the knots in my stomach.  
"I..."  
Kokichi's smile came back for just a moment, a look of victory but it fell quickly.   
"You can't say I'm wrong Momota, just take a look in the head of yours"  
I looked away from him a second, the storm in my mind pulling back for a moment. He wasn't wrong, I would give him that. As much as I hated it as much as it made me sick I couldn't deny the fact those bastards got exactly what they deserved. 

flashing lights  
neon blood  
bruises  
scars

I blinked for a moment, looking at Kokichi with a soft glare.   
"No I can't, but it doesn't make it any better what you did!" Kokichi glared back, his gaze tired and sleep-deprived. He made a small tsk and began to walk down the hallway, and I followed him. We walked through the halls almost aimlessly as we talked back and forth.  
"What else was I expected to do! just- just j-just sit there and take the abuse?"  
Kokichi began to stutter a little at the mention of it. 

yelling  
"good for nothing"  
black eyes  
blood

I tensed a little bit, walking at a distance. But I kept my eyes on the short, malnourished boy. I couldn't help but feel bad, severely. Who wouldn't? practically every turn of his life had been shit. Kokichi's eyes had always held that troubled look but it shined in my eyes now as well. Now we shared the burden, the pain. Whether we liked it or not.   
"But we both know it only got worse because of it," Kokichi went rigid for a second. "Don't even mention her"

handcuffs  
nurses  
Dr. Good  
gentle

we both knew who he meant when he said that. There was not even the need for one of us to say the name... the things she did to him for years. We turned a corner and down to an exit leading outside. I followed him, even though I had no clue where we were going exactly.   
Kokichi took a long, drawn-out breath, sitting in the grass under a tree, and he stared at me. Hesitating, he ran his fingers through his hair and looked at me. I sat near him, and he gave me a slightly less hostile gaze than before. "you're an asshole"  
"Hey-!"   
"Let me finish" Kokichi rolled his eyes. "You're an asshole, an idiot, and frankly, I don't know how you made it into this academy," was this supposed to get better? "But..." Kokichi looked at me intently. "You have everyone's best interest at heart, and that's... stupid, but admirable". He finished his statement with a small feminine flourish of his hand.

"I'll take what I can get?" he simply hummed in response. His eyes gazing over and surveying me, sizing me up too if I was a threat like I had apparently been before. 

Kokichi was... perplexing. He was like some sort of puzzle. If that puzzle was a collection of about twelve other puzzles all thrown in a bin together. And then tossed into a wood chipper.

Repeatedly.

Kokichi began to relax, his small muscles relaxed as he leaned back onto the tree behind him. Was that a sign of trust? I couldn’t quite be sure actually. 

“How… on earth are we going to fix this,” Kokichi’s response was quick and sharp-tongued. But who could blame him?

“Maybe some of us don’t want it fixed,” I looked over at him for a moment then back to the dome keeping us trapped there. 

“Yeah but maybe some of us do, some of us had families and people who cared about them,” Kokichi’s glare sharpened like spikes of the tunnel of despair

“Yeah, I had people who cared about me, I had friends… I-I had dice!” His voice got a little darker, that malice dripping, venom spiked voice of his. The relaxed figure now went rigid. “Besides, were both unloved by our parents don’t forget that. They didn’t give two shits about you,” I glared back. Things had been going so nicely, but things couldn’t stay calm with the two of us for that long. It was as if we were made to buttheads.

“Take that back Ouma”

“Make me, Momota we know it’s true. I have your memories up here as well, all your father’s toxic masculinity, your mom’s neglect remember I know everything about you now. There’s a reason you live with your grandparents!”

I stood, growling a little and Kokichi stood as well, his eyes an inky purple glare. 

“You are such a hypocrite,” his voice spit hostility once more.

“Excuse me?”

“You hold truth so dear to your heart but you don’t have the guts to accept your truths about your past… what a waste,” He suddenly spun into a childish like expression. “Well, I’ll be off! Think about that, kay?”

With that, the stubby boy turned once more with a very feminine flourish and walked back inside leaving me simmering in my thoughts. 

I myself walked away with a small huff, I watched as Kokichi skipped down the hallway and disappeared. 

“Damn you Kokichi… it is like one second your fine but the next you hate my guts… what the hell”

Once I was sure Kokichi was gone, I went back inside and began to go back to my room. But on the way, I bumped into the small, little robotic Kiibo. 

“Oh! Hey there, sorry”

His cheeks blushed slightly with a blue tint in embarrassment, and his blue LED eyes shined brightly as if he were scanning me.

“It’s fine. You seem mad,” I chucked a little and shook my head. 

“No no… Kiibo its alright”

“Kaito you look like you could punch a wall,” He chuckled faintly and awkwardly. Rubbing his metallic neck as he talked. “No, it’s ok, just Kokichi again”

He nodded, tilting is head again and looked like he was scanning me again.   
“You two did leave in a really big rush! Miu and I have just been- been talking!” Suddenly his face lit up in bright blue, him hiding some of his face in his metal chest. I could only think of a few things ‘talking’ actually entailed. 

“Oh?” 

He giggled a little bit and blushed harder. I ruffled his hair, it was oddly soft. I had expected some kind of wiry doll hair but it soft and fluffy, almost human. 

“Well I’ll be going now” 

He nodded a little, but before I left I turned ad told him one more thing.

“Oh and, Kokichi might be trustworthy or might now, I can’t really tell”

But on a cerian corkboard, under Kaito’s photo in red in spelled out the words trustworthy. What made it different from Shuichi’s, was it had a period, not a question mark.


End file.
